Spotted at Arsenal's training ground

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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

Soccer Commentators

'He's 31 this year: last year he was 30.' - David Coleman

'The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties.' - Martin Tyler

'The Italians are hoping for an Italian victory.' David Coleman

'Peru score their third, and It's 3-1 to Scotland.' David Coleman

'If that had gone in, it would have been a goal.' - David Coleman

'Ian Rush is deadly 10 times out of 10, but that wasn't one of them.' - Peter Jones

'Neil Sullivan has stopped absolutely everything have thrown at him...Wimbledon 1, Manchester United 1.' - Mike Ingham

'Emile Zola has scored again for Chelsea.' - Radio 5 live

'This will be their 19th consecutive game without a win unless they can get an equaliser.' - Alan Green

'Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin.'
- Mike Ingham

'Such a positive move by Uruguay - bringing 2 players off and putting 2 players on.' - John Helm

'It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the scoreline on Saturday.'
- Radio 5 live

'The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee.' - Mike Ingham

'Poland nil, England nil, though England are now looking the better value for their nil.' - Barry Davies

'West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark.' - John Helm

'You don't score 64 goals in 86 games without being able to score goals.' - Alan Green

'It's headed away by John Clark, using his head.' - Derek Rae

'Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve.'
- John Greig

'And with just 4 minutes gone, the score is already 0-0.' - Ian Darke

'The USA are a goal down, and if they don't get a goal they'll lose.'
- John Helm

'I predicted in August that Celtic would reach the final. On the eve of that final I stand by that prediction.' - Archie MacPherson

'McCarthy shakes his head in agreement with the referee.' - Martin Tyler

'It was the game that put the Everton ship back on the road.'
- Alan Green

'Lukic saved with his foot, which is all part of the goalkeeper's arm.'
- Barry Davies

'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.' - David Acfield

'Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras.' - Peter Jones

'Forest have now lost six matches without winning.' - David Coleman

harry potter fan fic

was bored by the real vs barca match so decided to check out some harry potter fan site after being inspired by a 4th reading of the half blood prince.
anyway i saw the fan-fic section where like 60% of the stories written fall under the romantic category.
surprisingly the harry/hermione pairing isnt the most popular one, with only 152. hermione and ron have 224 and hermione and draco have 239. and theres even 53 depraved people who wrote stories about hermione and snape. oh man can you imagine them in a movie together.
lol and theres even one about lupin and sirius. in fact 84 stories are about same sex pairings. harry potter fans are too free..

-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
had i continued my cs career
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
u would have seen a team yorke
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
comprising of star players like berge
berge says:
hahaha indeed
berge says:
whooping team3d 30-0
berge says:
and spearheading singapore's charge to the top of the medal list
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
ya
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
wif a guest player chinks
berge says:
lol is that to add balance to the team??
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
ya
berge says:
a handicap
-=[Jian Feng]=- ahaha i have the cockroach song says:
must give team 3d sum face
berge says:
yeah we let them have one frag a round

harry potter

watched harry potter and goblet of fire this afternoon..quite nice overall i found it much nicer than prisoner of azkaban which was quite boring
quite a lot of action this time, a lot of visually spectacular scenes which i like..plot was quite boring as usual but then again how much can u change the plot which everyone already knows and has already committed to memory.
biggest letdown of the movie i think was the omission of all the action in the quidditch world cup they din even show the quaffle flying about the place. and also the personalities of the characters seem to have been changed quite a bit..dumbledore is this quite violent guy who even grabs harry by the neck halfway thru the show and tries to strangle him or sthg. definitely not like what i visualised in the book.
and wow emma watson wow fleur

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints by Quantas pilots and
the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the
only major airline that has never had an accident.

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log.
S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a piston-engined airplane;
the pilot meant the engine was not running smoothly.)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed

soccer this tuesday! 8.30 at ri astro
come pls i miss soccer a lot
in the meantime i demand pong blogs or i'll somehow kick him out

when i grow up, i want to work at jalan besar stadium

today me berge bonks and nat went to the FAS's office at Jalan Besar stadium to collect the free tickets to the Singapore cup final we won for sending an sms. actually only me bonks and nat were collecting because a certain person forgot to send the sms despite my repeated reminders..but oh well that goes into another story all together.
So we went into the office and were immediately awestruck by what we saw on the other side of the glass door-a damn nice carpet grass pitch which had different stripes of colour! and no track summore so it looks like those pitches u see in england damn cool. anyway the kind ppl at fas let us go there to touch the grass lol and we spent like 10 minutes walking on the sidelines admiring the damn nice stadium.

anyway after we collected the tickets we proceeded out of the stadium and crossed a road, where i saved berge's life by hauling him back in front of a speeding oncoming truck. too bad he scolded me for being stupid instead of thanking me for my concern.

who wants to go watch singapore cup final this sunday 7.30 at national stadium? i have like 6 more extra tickets if no one wants i'll give it to nat for her soccer people.

Phone Call

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins
to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up .The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

Meeting The Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."